Let’s talk about debt
By Mr Bankruptcy
27th November 2024
How do you raise the subject of debt with someone you know or love?
We like to think that in these modern times we can talk about the most intimate matters with people we care about. Barriers to some taboo subjects such as mental health or sex are being broken down all the time. But there is still one subject that can be off the table, even with someone close, and that’s debt.
The embarrassment around money talk
People are often embarrassed in this country to talk about money, even when they’re doing well; we are even more reticent when it comes to money problems.
I’m a professional debt advisor so you may think that most of my job entails sitting people down and talking to them about their debt problem and explaining their options. In fact, much of my time is spent listening. This requires me to create the right atmosphere during interviews and asking the right questions to get the information I need.
However, at least I have the advantage that the people I talk to have already accepted that they have a debt problem they can’t handle and that they want to do something about it.
But if they aren’t there yet, it’s very difficult to bring the subject up if you suspect someone you know has a problem. What if you’re wrong and they are offended? What if they get angry and shut you out? Do you accept their denials and let things get worse?
Some tell-tale signs of a debt problem
Firstly, here are some warning signs which could indicate a debt problem:
- Changes in behaviour. Someone may have become quiet or secretive; equally a reserved friend may start acting like the life and soul of the party as a smokescreen to hide their anxiety.
- Spending habits. Does someone you know routinely spend beyond their means, splurging on holidays or designer gear? Alternatively, are they using the bus, having just sold their car, or making excuses for not going out?
- Denial and evasion. Is your other half avoiding opening bills, leaving them in a drawer or putting them in the bin unopened? Do they avoid talking about money or are they afraid to answer the phone or front door?
- Mental health. Are they withdrawn and anxious, or tired through lack of sleep?
- Surviving on credit. Is someone you know only getting to the end of the month by borrowing from mates or maxing out their credit card?
We all live with some debt, but if we’re in control it’s not a problem. However, spotting these signs can justify you raising the subject with someone you care about.
Starting the conversation
You know your friends better than I could and will have a better idea about whether a gentle approach or a blunt, honest one will work better. Here are a few openers you can try:
- Is everything OK?
- I’ve noticed you look worried. Is there anything you want to talk about, or that I can help with?
- I’ve had debt problems in the past. If you want to talk, I can sympathise.
- I know organisations that help or offer advice about debt. Do you want to know more?
Often, the most important thing is to simply make time for them. Put the kettle on, make them feel safe speaking to you and reassuring them that you aren’t going to be judgemental or embarrassed and that they aren’t alone with their problems.
We can’t all be expert debt advisors
Your friend, partner or loved one may have finally opened up, so now may be the time to signpost them towards getting professional help, from someone trained to give impartial advice or help, whether that’s about finances, mental health, or both.
It’s important to remember that you aren’t an expert and shouldn’t be giving financial advice or offering simple solutions if you aren’t accredited by the Financial Conduct Authority. But rest assured that you have already achieved the hardest part.
Mental health and debt
We talk a lot about mental health, but debt is a large contributor to stress and depression. It takes courage to admit you’re in financial difficulties – especially to a business partner or loved one. Helping them to take the first step and open up, then offering your support can give them what they need to start the hard work of digging themselves out of the situation until they can see the daylight ahead.
James Rosa Associates
Even when it seems that there’s no way forward out of serious debt, there is always support available to help you understand the options available to you or your business.
James Rosa associates is a firm of debt advisors and debt adjustors. With a supportive, non-judgemental and friendly approach, we offer a full range of advice and professional services to individuals and business owners/directors who face unmanageable debt and are looking for a solution. We also help anyone involved in a civil or commercial dispute.
Our range of services include:
We are authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority (FRN665061) to work with clients to produce bespoke solutions to fit their specific circumstances.
Find out if you qualify for a free debt consultation
If you want to deal with an unmanageable debt, or bring a dispute to a swift and cost-effective resolution, then contact James Rosa Associates, ring 0845 6807217 or email enquiries@jamesrosa.co.uk and find out whether you qualify for our free consultation service.
Please be advised that all views expressed in these posts are those of the author and not of James Rosa Associates ltd.